As a resident expert (I am in the possession of both a baby and a cat), I would like to dispel the harmful myth that babies and cats are anything other than exactly the same.
Please read on for the insurmountable proof of my claim.
All baby toys and cat toys are interchangeable.
Both baby and cat are obsessed with me and won’t shut the fuck up about it.
Both are unable, under any circumstances, to resist crawling under someone doing a downward-facing dog.
Both have bad breath and someone really should teach them to brush their teeth.
Both must be kept in tiny prisons because they are monsters hellbent on destroying all indoor plants.
Both are the cutest, tiniest angels that ever existed.
Both show zero interest in “The Lion King” despite the fact that it is a cinematic masterpiece about baby cats. What is wrong with them?!
I carried them both in my womb and gave birth to both of them.
Both are trying to kill me.
As soon as they fall asleep, I am biologically compelled to look at photos of them and marvel at their flawless beauty.
